The Lustrous Duck Conflict
by FLTTW
Summary: A quick oneshot written after watching 804. "I said her hair looked like a duck in an oil spill." Shamy!


_**Just a little oneshot I had to write after Sheldon's line in 804. Hope you guys enjoys my mediocre work!**_

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><p>"Okay Amy, I've completed my turn. Try and beat that, Brain-jockey."<p>

Amy observed with a calm face as Sheldon smugly sipped his tea. She smiled briefly before turning her gaze to the scrabble board to process her boyfriend's turn. 'Chamomile,' the little squares spelt out. Except there was a glaring problem.

"Sheldon?" He set down is tea and sounded an 'uh-huh?' in reply.

"Your turn is void. You used a colloquial indifference to gain more points. The official Scrabble dictionary states that if you're playing with a predominantly US English speaking group you must use American spelling to standardise the match."

Sheldon didn't look phased by Amy's scrutiny. She was just waiting for his condescending reply and that look that told you he would stand his ground until proven otherwise, by someone else with the appropriate PhD. "They're interchangeable."

_That's all he's going to say?_ She was surprised, but knew what to fire right back. "Chicken Legs, are spelled and spelt interchangeable?" She pronounced the 't' in 'spelt' harder to emphasise the spelling difference. She noticed Sheldon's immediate change of demeanor at her 'Chicken Legs' comment and quickly regretted saying it.

"I don't need to prove myself to you! Don't ever call me Chicken Legs, Furry Fingers Fowler."

"Sheldon! Don't you dare go call me that just so you can wriggle your way out of an argument." _Even knowing what kind of guy he is, how the hell could be **that** insensitive?_ She was trying to keep a stone face but she could feel she was breaking form.

"Who declared this an argument, Matron? You're making this one by calling it so!" Sheldon's voice was breaking up and beginning to sound like a broken accordion. It reminded Amy of when he was trying to decide what field of study to go into, before he left.

"I never declared anything! You just have too much pride to admit that you cheated."

"Excuse me, my Mama never raised 'er no cheatin', lyin' sons... Scoundrels."

"No, but you consciously decided to add an 'h' into camomile, to make it the British spelling and therefore gain more points."

"Malarkey."

"Then how else can you justify it? Surely someone with an eidetic memory, and also a regular drinker of tea, has seen chamomile and has a photo recollection of the American spelling?" She would win this. No one beats her at Scrabble. *I_'ve read and thoroughly understood Chauser, bom-blastit!* She worked out that with the pieces already in play, and that with that little two point 'h', there was not enough points available for her to win. But what if Sheldon has worked out the same? This will be the first time he's beaten me at my own game. No! Sheldon with that much confidence means the end for us all. As much as I love him, I don't think the others could take it. I can just imagine, when we're 80 years old: "Hey Amy, remember that time I beat you at Scrabble using 'Chamomile' with an 'h'? Of course you do, how can you forget! Ha!" Then he would fall over with laughter and say through fits: "Do you need a CHAMisol for that burn?!" I have to stop this before it begins._

"How else can I justify it? So many ways, Lumpkin." He turned a little paler than he already was as he leaned back in his chair, looked away guiltily and drank the last of his tea.

"So many ways? Please elaborate for me, Dr Cooper." She noticed how he seemed to light up after she called him by his title. He was grinning playfully, like their debate had became somewhat of a game.

"Do I really have to elaborate for someone with hair that shines like a duck in an oil spill?" He smiled coyly then. _What? Did he say my hair was shiny? Nay, he probably means my hair shares the characteristics of a duck in an oil spill... Greasy, dishevelled..._

"I'm leaving." With that, she jumped up, snatched her bag off the floor, and left.

"We haven't finished the game!" Sheldon yelled as she exited.

She ran down the stairs, not placing a full foot on a step for a second. She was tempted to text him and tell him what his infringement was, but ever since he left she'd decided those days were over. _That mewling quim!_

Sheldon was left dumbfounded, staring at the slammed door. _Amy? I complimented you? Curses! I guess... Bitches, you never know what'll set them off? I shouldn't call Amy that. I'll have to find someone to finish this game with._

_Knock knock knock,_ "Penny!"

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><p>"I don't get it, why aren't you playing with Amy? I can tell you were, because I don't even know what thay word means." She pointed to 'electrolysis' before finalising her turn of 'bae'.<p>

"She left me."

"She left you! Sheldon, what did you do?!"

"I complimented her! Then she said she was leaving and stomped out the door!"

"Wait, so she didn't dump you?"

He looked at her with a questioning face. "How could she dump me? She can barely lift more than twenty pounds."

_Look at those for street smarts... _"No, so I'm guessing she didn't end your relationship?"

"Guessing won't get you anywhere, but no."

Penny nodded like the 90% of guff that Sheldon said was actually engaging. They played as her mind revved over why Amy went home (presumably).

"What did you say to her? What was the complement?"

He waved his hand and did his characteristically condescending sigh. "I've already told you this. It feels like I'm talking to an Apple 'Genius'!" Then he repeated slowly; "I told her that her hair was shiny."

"Oh Moonpie! That's so cute." She slapped him on the arm and he yelped. "But what, word-for-word, did you say?"

"Ugh, I said 'your hair shines like a duck in an oil spill."

She felt like slapping her pedantic neighbour, but resisted. "That might not be the same compliment to her, that you think it is." She swiftly upped and left for her apartment.

"Penny? Women just keep leaving me today!"

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><p>"Dr Fowler speaking." She finished her last Brazil nut and saved her work as she talked through the phone.<p>

"Hey, Ames?"

"Bestie, hi! I'm delighted that you called. Mind heading out with me to da cluuub? I need liquor to temporarily forget a certain bafoon, and I'll buy."

"Funny you should say that. I was just talking to Dr I'm-not-good-with-women, and I expected you to be more upset."

"Ah, so you heard. No, after a while you learn to take it on the chin. Not all of us have a boyfriend who worships us at our feet."

"Leonard doesn't do that! Okay, maybe a little. Anyway, I was talking to Sheldon, and he told me what he said was a compliment." At that, her friend snorted and laughed until it hurt Penny's ear. She felt sorry for her.

"Oh, that's a good one, even if it is somewhat cruel." Still chuckling a little.

"Amy, I'm serious. He told me he had no idea why you left because he thought he'd said something nice to you." Amy hadn't heard Penny talk in that flat tone often, and she was shocked by this revelation.

"Well... It's probably best if he doesn't know that I know. I'll let things go back to normal, it will take less mending of our relationship that way. If he wants to clarify in future, he can. Until then, I'll just sweep it under the proverbial rug."

"You're handling this pretty maturely. Maybe my little lessons on relationships have taught you something. If this was three years ago, you'd have put a monkey in his cupboard by now."

"I know! I'm a veteran!"

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><p>A couple of days later Sheldon and Amy were in her car, front seats, headed for a untried and tested restaurant. Leonard and Penny in the back, partaking in a double-date.<p>

Sheldon had glanced over at Amy again and again. _Why has she not talked about what I said?_

He'd just voiced about how they do parallel play better than any toddler, now she was smiling at him, and he found himself smiling back. Wondering if he should correct what he said had plagued him for the past few nights, and at work.

_Maybe it's better if she doesn't know._

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><p>Now sitting at an Angels baseball match, he watched her lustrous hair shimmer. The sun illuminating natural highlights and intensifying darker colours. Rich browns, chocolate, and the occasional bronze and copper. She looked to him, her tangle-free hair bobbing with movement. He noticed the variance in the length of different strands and sections. He wanted to run his fingers through it, and tuck that irritating stray behind her little ear. Her hair barrette was skewed and it frustrated him, it sat forward and cast a shadow across her face from the angle. Maybe he could look at her and she would be none-the-wiser of his infatuation. As long as he never touched; that would be loosing control.<p>

Yes, this could work. _Look but don't touch_, basically the motto for all his belongings. But he didn't own Amy, he could never. He could gaze upon her straight hair, with variations in all the right places. Shiny, clean and dandruff managed.

_It's definitely better if nobody knows._


End file.
